IEEE 802.11

The year is 2051. The IEEE announces that, finally, it’s reached its goal of making all electromagnetic frequencies usable as WLAN. It’s a bright time for all of us, they say. Now, even the RGB lighting ancient computers had are again useful communication devices, thanks to IEEE 802.11lm, the successor of the early, but ultimately not widely used 802.11bb of 2021 allowing for visible-light wifi. This year, the last wave of the ultra-low-frequency pico-Hertz-standard has been completed, it will arrive at a far away habitable planet in 2109. They’re hoping to settle people from the drowning Schleswig-Holstein there, so that when they arrive, a big “moin” will accompany them.

But today, the IEEE is demonstrating the fastest WLAN yet: 802.11ayy. It’s the opposite of the lm standard, capable to transmit the entire contents of the internet in a few hours thanks to its 2.4 Exa-Hertz frequency.

The receiving router manages to withstand the demonstration for the first 2 million waves, or 0.0000000000008s, before it melts down, together with the rest of the room. By the time anyone’s human brain notices and processes the brightly burning spot where the router once was, it’s too late to stop. Everybody in the room, including the dude at the emergency shutoff button, is incinerated, the sender isn’t going to stop until it has transmitted the entire internet. Even if it means sacrificing the planet. The IEEE will not rest until it has made all electromagnetic frequencies usable as WLAN.

The Schleswig-Holsteinians meanwhile are receiving the first wave of the “moin” that’s going to accompany them. By the time they’ll arrive at their new home, they will have received the entire message, followed shortly after by an observation of a supernova on the northern hemisphere on earth.